3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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