saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
