do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
