will power is for people who don't want to get laid
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
