just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
