We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Are my feet made of real feet?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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