I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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