respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
