You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
