I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize