this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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