check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
