DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
