What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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