my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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