I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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