Only a mothe r could love this liver
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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