he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
