I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
