I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
