And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
