remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
