I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
