I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
