3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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