she was so not down for the gang bang
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize