you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
