Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Who died my cat blue again?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
