so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
