Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
