Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
