i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize