Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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