walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize