i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
