were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
