If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
