Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need to calm my uterus...
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