It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
