Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she looked like the before picture.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
