Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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