I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize