After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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