Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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