you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
