how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
