Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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