we have pet lesbian snakes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
