How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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