my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The air was thick with penises
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Pooping to opera.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
