hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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