Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
