YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
