i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
