I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I still have a little drunk in my system
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
