If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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