You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
