At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize