Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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