she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
