porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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