Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
