Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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