Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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