he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
