i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
