I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
