I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
